Your Weakness For Mine
by SilverSeeds
Summary: Humanity's Strongest has long since forgotten how to be weak. But when faced with Eren's suffering, he may be able to reach out to the boy; possibly regaining something in the process. Rated T for veeeery mild potential BL.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**

Maybe possibly could be implicit BL.

* * *

The first night, I was woken by his moaning. Opening my eyes a little, I saw the outline of his body trembling in the darkness. Was he…crying? From the way that gasps and moans seemed to just slip out, it seemed apparent that he wasn't trying to suppress his sobbing at all, so I realised that he must not be awake. I thought to myself, nothing to do about a kid crying in his sleep, and rolled over to continue sleeping.

The next morning I woke feeling strangely bothered by something, but I had forgotten about his crying and couldn't quite put my finger on what was bothering me. Shrugging the matter off, I got changed and walked over to Eren's bed on the other side of the narrow room.

"Eren, get up."

The boy's consciousness seemed to snap right into place as soon as I spoke, and he opened his eyes while jerking his arm awkwardly, sitting up swiftly to greet me.

We both looked out the window, at the pouring rain, and agreed that it would probably be the better choice to spend another night at Main Head Quarters. We were called in the day before to make a more detailed report on our most recent expedition, and Eren and I had no choice but to share one of the spare rooms when the storm prevented us from returning to the Former Head Quarters.

"Corporal Levi, shall I fetch water for you to wash your face?"

"No need, I'll use the shared quarters. Hurry up and get ready, then go have breakfast. Meet me at Erwin's office in 30 minutes."

"Yes sir."

* * *

The second night, I woke up rather abruptly. Without thinking I looked towards Eren, and sure enough his tensed body was shaking again. He continued to sob softly for another 10 minutes or so, and after he fell quiet I also drifted back into peaceful sleep again.

The next morning I woke feeling strangely clear headed. I got changed and woke Eren, giving him instructions to meet at Erwin's in 30. I noticed that his eyes were slightly swollen, but said nothing and left so that he could get changed without worrying about my presence.

* * *

The third night, I woke up with my back facing him. I could sense he was sitting up, and covering his mouth desperately to try and muffle the crying. His breathing became irregular; sometimes deep and sometimes shallow, and if that had not been enough to wake me, then his suppressed, high pitched moans would have. I could tell he occasionally looked in my direction to check if he disturbed me, so I continued to lie there unmoving. Eventually, his crying was reduced to simply sniffling, and he finally lied down to get back to sleep.

The next morning I woke feeling strangely complicated…but, ironically, subtly at peace at the same time.

* * *

**Author's Note**

Thanks for reading! Please look forward to _just a little_ more. R&R much appreciated :3

Cover image by artist ぽっぱ from pixiv.


	2. Chapter 2

One week later I was called back to Main Head Quarters again to attend a series of meetings. Eren was also required to attend a few of them, since they were to do with how to _handle_ (a euphemism for _use_) him, so we ended up sharing a room again.

I noticed that every morning he looked out the window with a hint of nostalgia, as if he were savouring the rare opportunities to wake up to sunshine. Well, no one can blame him, since he usually sleeps in the basement, and when we stayed here the week before it had been storming. All the basement rooms are used for storage here, so they can't put Eren down there, but I wondered if he'll feel insecure when he has to go back to the darkness of the basement when we return to Former Head Quarters.

Even though the warm, radiant mornings were some solace, the sunshine was not enough to rid him of his suffering. Every night, he woke up crying. I found myself always waking shortly before he does, and, without moving or saying anything, I listened to how he jolts up all of a sudden, looks in my direction, and continues to sob while uselessly trying to suppress the sounds.

This continued for almost two weeks.

I never wondered what he was crying about. I simply observed, and…_accepted_ it, in a sense. What exactly was I accepting? The simple fact that a 15 year old boy cries so much every night he is woken up by it? That his suffering is probably something all too natural for a Recon Scout? That there is nothing for me to do about it?

I really didn't think much about anything as I listened to him cry every night. But I found that every morning for these two weeks, I woke feeling strangely at peace.


	3. Chapter 3

The first night after we finally returned to Former Head Quarters, I automatically woke up in the middle of the night, as if awaiting something that will happen. There was a familiar pit in my stomach, weighing me down, pressuring me. I hadn't felt this way for two weeks now. I rolled over to try and continue sleeping, but the lingering feeling continued to claw at my mind.

Finally, I gave in, and started preparing the oil lamp.

Walking through the dark, empty hallways and stairs, I drifted towards Eren's room without any reluctance. How funny, perhaps not long ago I would have resisted the idea of going. But before I knew it I was at his door, and I could already hear him on the other side. His crying was louder than when we shared the room, but he was still trying to suppress it.

I let out a heavy sigh. What on earth did I want to achieve by coming here? I didn't come here to check whether or not he was crying; because I was somehow certain that he would be. So I came to listen to him crying, then. What the hell, man…what the hell. So what about it? I'm supposed to stand out here and listen? Or do I go in and just ask him to pretend I'm not there? Or better yet, I can console him like a good superior? This is ridiculous. I'm being ridiculous.

I'd already lost count of how many times I sighed. This really is ridiculous.

I raised my hand, paused, and knocked.


	4. Chapter 4

As soon as I knocked, the same thought as before weighed down on my chest…what the hell am I doing?

It had gone utterly silent inside, or at least no sound was loud enough for me to hear on this side of the door. I slowly pushed the door open. Eren was trying to hide his face by raising his arms to the sides of his face, but at the same time he couldn't help but want to know who it was. With obvious dread, he nervously lifted his face in order to find the one who made their way into his room in this dead of night.

"C...C-Corporal...Levi..."

I walked over to his desk and placed the oil lamp down, unconsciously trying to avoid his gaze, and with that, avoid the question of why I'm here.

"Umm..."

I was surprised to hear him breaking the silence, guess he was more composed than I thought.

"I'm sorry…for disturbing your rest, Corporal."

Sigh...composed, or just an idiot.

"As if I'd hear you from all the way up there. I knew you were crying since when we shared a room at Main Head Quarters."

I was looking in his direction, so he didn't even lift his head, but I saw his eyes and mouth in a panic as he frantically tried to put his mind in order.

"I...I...I'm s..."

"There's no reason to apologise. No one would get angry at you for crying, rather, it's better to do it while you still can."

I guess he wasn't expecting me to say that, because he looked up and our eyes met for a split second before he quickly turned away again. Tears must have welled up in his eyes again, because he slapped his hands over his mouth in an effort to stop any breath or sound that was about to escape. I couldn't make up my mind about whether the crying, or his act of trying _not_ to cry made him more of a brat. I walked over to him and sat down on the corner of his bed. I gently placed my hand on the top of his head, slowly bringing it down to his trembling cheek before moving back up to start again.

"Especially when you're a brat."

His grip on his mouth seemed to weaken, but he still wouldn't let out a single sound.

"Eren, don't hold it in, just let it out. Just…let it _all_ out."

He finally removed his hands, and the tears which had built up gushed down as he cried and wailed with all his might. Now grabbing at his own chest, he leaned even further forward while screaming; every thought and emotion that he had suppressed up to this point forcing its way out incomprehensibly. I continued to stroke him and listened to him cry his fill.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note**

Rated T for swearing

* * *

"Oh Levi, you're already here. Did you look over the records from last year like I asked?"

Erwin closed the door behind him and went to sit on the other side of the table, across from Levi who was leaning back in the chair while looking out the window.

"Looked at them just now."

"Oh? How did you reach them? I do believe they were on the top shelf…"

"Asked Eren."

Amused but not too surprised, Erwin chuckled a little while putting his paperwork in order.

"Well, despite his age Eren _is_ taller than you, I suppose. But to think you would ask a sick child to help."

Raising an eyebrow, Levi looked questioningly at Erwin. Eren seemed just fine, if anything he might have been more calm after crying his heart out the night before.

"Sick?'

"I heard from someone that his voice was very nasal, does he not perhaps have a cold or something?"

Oh, that. True, his eyes were swollen too. Levi was more surprised Eren didn't _lose_ his voice after all that crying.

"Really. Didn't notice it."

Erwin lifted his eyes from the paperwork and looked across at Levi, who was looking out the window again while waiting for Erwin to get ready.

"You seem…rather happy today, Levi."

"Haaah?"

"No, 'happy' isn't the right word…"

"No shit."

"Haha, well it's just, how to say it…I mean, you're usually drinking tea with this tense posture, but today you're simply relaxing in your chair and looking at the sky."

Obviously amused at the slight frown forming in Levi's eyes, Erwin decided to continue teasing for a while longer.

"Now that you mention it, your performance has been rather good lately. Such as during those meetings at Main Head Quarters…"

"What the hell are you talking about? Look, are we sorting through this paperwork or not?"

"No no, really! Even when those nobles made rude comments about the Scouts' deaths, you didn't lose your temper! Hmm…'happy' isn't the right word, but lately you've been…serene?"

"…You have got to be kidding."

"Haha, okay I give up, you're not happy or serene. Definitely not serene."

* * *

"So I just need to look this through and communicate it to the other units by next week."

"Yes, that's right. As for these ones here, deal with them as we just discussed."

"Got it."

Levi stood to leave, and picked up some of the documents spread across the table.

"I'll get Eren to put these back."

Levi heard one last chuckle from Erwin before leaving the room.

"Well, Eren _is_ taller than you, afterall."


	6. Chapter 6

Sometimes it did feel a bit mysterious, the way I just woke up every night, as if my body clock had always been that way. But ever since the first time one month ago, it was always happening so naturally, and that night too, as usual, my consciousness suddenly brought me out of sleep, and I opened my eyes to the darkness of my bedroom (which I was so very used to by now). I never felt half-asleep or anything life that, in fact I always felt very aware of the state of things as soon as I came to.

I reached over and prepared the oil lamp, then, sitting up, put on my shoes and slipped off the bed. I navigated the dark hallways, lit solely by my lamp, with practiced ease, as I made my way towards Eren's room in the basement. I had a feeling that tonight I had woken up later than usual, or perhaps Eren's nightmares had woken him _earlier_ than usual; either way I just had a feeling that he'd already been crying for a while. I decided to hasten myself just a little.

When I arrived at his door, something did feel a bit off, but I simply knocked and was about to walk straight in like usual. But before I even finished opening the door, he scrambled off the bed and clumsily catapulted himself towards me, almost knocking me over. I was still trying to overcome the shock from his sudden assault but his shaking caught my attention. I could feel my whole body shaking along with him. He was digging his hands hard into my back while hugging me with the rest of his being, burying his face into my chest while trembling horribly.

Usually, he would cry and sob, and I would sit on the bed with him, stroking his hair, cheeks or neck while he sniffled and moaned. Except for the first night that I came to find him, when he wailed the whole night away, he tended to only cry for a short time; albeit every night. I supposed that that short amount of time, every night, was enough for him to get things off his chest, so this time I was honestly quite shaken to find him trembling so quietly while clinging onto me.

Noting his half crouching posture, and the fact that he was almost lifting me off my feet, I convinced Eren to let us move to the bed. He shook his head. Letting out a small sigh, I stretched my arm out to place the lamp on the table, and started to stroke Eren's head.

"Be reasonable. Come on."

I started inching towards the bed, and Eren's steps followed mine a little at a time. It didn't occur to me that this must have looked ridiculous, instead I was concerned with how to get into a position comfortable for both of us, so that he could calm down, but with him holding onto me like that... In the end I had no choice but to simply sit on the side of the bed, letting Eren kneel on the ground. For the next few minutes he just kept hugging me tightly, pulling incessantly on my shirt, and I was unsure of what else to do but continue stroking his head.

I'm not sure if Eren was aware of this, and I certainly wasn't too eager to share it with anyone else, but I didn't come visit Eren every night for his sake. It was true that up until that first night I came he was most likely desperately trying to suppress his crying, even when alone, so one might say that my presence helped him let his emotions out, and that was a good thing. However, as I said, it wasn't for his sake that I came every night like clockwork. The truth was, whenever I could hear Eren cry, I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my entire being.

I could remember my early days in the Recon Corps, when I couldn't eat and couldn't sleep and couldn't bear the thought of seeing another person die before my eyes. But what I couldn't remember was _when_ I learned to eat and sleep and be Humanity's Strongest. Even though I'd forgotten how to feel the despair and hopelessness of my early days, there was always something invisible and oppressing weighing on me. During the day I felt it on my shoulders, at night it clawed at my chest. But Humanity's Strongest isn't someone who gives in to this shit. Humanity's Strongest wasn't allowed to. He could hardly even acknowledge it. Until he heard a 15 year old boy crying in the middle of the night.

And so, I realised, as I looked down at Eren, stroked his head, waited for his usual tears; that the boy needed more than just a place to cry. For the first time in a long time, I felt like maybe, possibly, could be, that someone needed **me**…and not Humanity's Strongest.


	7. Chapter 7

"Have you calmed down a little, Eren?"

"…Yes…"

"Okay, let go for a sec."

He obediently removed his arms and looked absently to the side. I was relieved to finally hear him speak, but somehow I also felt like that he still hadn't gotten over whatever feelings were haunting him. As I thought, it probably wasn't a good idea to leave.

I propped his pillow and blanket up against the wall and leaned back.

"Eren."

The boy glanced awkwardly at me, and I gestured for him to come over. His expression suddenly changed and he stared back in utter confusion, not doing or saying anything. Couldn't blame him, I would _never_ have imagined that I would do something like this either.

"Come over."

I was taking care to speak softer than usual, because I just **really didn't know** what to do in this kind of situation and was just **really nervous** about screwing up somehow and **Hanji always called me** insensitive and remembering it at this point **really didn't help** because it only made me **even more** unsure and….ughh.

I just felt, somehow, that since Eren clung onto me while burying his face into my chest, maybe being in that position made him feel better. I gestured again but he was starting to fluster, it was almost as if he was going back to his usual self. Would that be for the best?

I reached out and patted his head.

"Just come over already, asshole."

Well, 'speaking softly' certainly got flung out the window. But it seemed to have been the right choice; soon Eren was nervously climbing onto the bed. I guess he instinctively knew that it was a comforting position, after all.

Finally, we both got into a comfortable position where Eren was lying on top of me, his head resting on my chest, and his forearms pressing softly into the bed at my sides. My arms were spread out a little, to make room for him, and I raised one knee to get a bit more stability. He was still a bit tense, and I sure as hell was, so I decided to start stroking his head and neck again. It really was the only thing I knew how to do, but since I had already been doing it for a whole month, I figured perhaps it would actually help calm him down.

There was no way of knowing how long we continued this for, but eventually he decided to speak up.

"Corporal Levi, do you know why I cry every night?"


	8. Chapter 8

"Corporal Levi, do you know why I cry every night?"

He had either calmed down, or was in that talkative mood that I've often seen drunk people in. Either way, I let him continue.

"Every night, I dream. Of all sorts of things. But usually, I see my mum, or everyone from Levi Squad. I thought that I _got over_ those; I thought that they were my **drive** and my **determination**, but **every night** they come to me, and then I see them killed in front of me. I see them being dissected piece by piece, I hear their mute screams **ripping my ears out**…_they scream their love and their loathing for me all at the same time_. They curse my powerlessness as each of their maimed limbs is ripped off…and their blood squeezed dry…I can't even tell my dreams from my memories anymore. All these emotions just _rush to my head_ and I suddenly wake up feeling so…so helpless…so **mortif**-…**_so vexed_****!"**

He moved his arms to wrap around me again. Instead of pulling on my shirt like before, he just squeezed strongly as he tried to hold his breath. Suddenly letting a gasp of air out again, he gaped and trembled as his emotions tried to contain themselves. I could feel his abdomen convulsing and falling against mine as he got ever closer to breaking down. It seems he finally did, and I felt my shirt get drenched within seconds as he started crying.

"Th…They…**HATE** me…_sob_…I c-can't help b-but think that…but I kn…know that it's **ME**. **It's ME WHO HATES MYSELF THE MOST. Why am I s-so powerless? Why can I never…never become any stronger?**"

As I looked down at him, crying helplessly with his head pressing into my chest, I was suddenly reminded. **Fifteen**. I had forgotten, and probably _all of us_ had forgotten, that this kid is only 15 years old. Even though a good number of teenagers became soldiers at this age, they really are just brats, aren't they? What bothered me the most was that, probably, Eren _himself_ was least aware that he was only 15.

"You had a dream like that again tonight?"

"No…"

I suddenly felt uneasy at the uncharacteristically low, husky voice that Eren replied in.

"Tonight…I dreamt that I was strong. So strong, that I felt like I'd never lose anyone to a titan **ever again**. But then…just for a split second, right before waking up, I…I saw myself…e…e…eating Mikasa and Armin…"


End file.
